I was reading the beautiful words of Clarity on optimism. Read it here. I started to comment and then decided to do a wee post on the subject of optimism. What is optimism, really, and what is it good for?
To me optimism is absolutely a choice. I was not always an optimist, but I think that's because most of my life or at least from childhood to my late thirties I had to deal with low grade to full blown depression. Try to work on being optimistic when the sight of wallpaper is enough to send you into something ranging from melancholy to despair.
But Depression with a big D has now left me. Pfff, just like that; it's left me. Yes I went to therapy quite a bit. No I'm not on prozac, this is all natural baby. I wonder, is depression like allergies, like acne, sometimes you can simply grow out of ? I can't explain why I no longer feel depression, (as opposed to depressed, not the same animal.) I don't feel depression, not even a little bit, not even some of the time. I will tell you that it's a fairly new thing (10 years or so) and that there is nothing, NOTHING, like waking up in the morning and not feel the dark cloud threatening to swallow you. And I don't believe there is a because to depression, nor is there a need for a because, just like there is not a because to cancer. When depression hit, you're just of luck.
Oh.. but this was a post about optimism.
Because I do not have depression does not mean I'm not morbidly terrified of it. Having sample the best depression has to offer I can tell you I will do everything to make sure the beast is kept at bay. I'm a warrior, never quite letting myself sleep with both eyes closed.
When depression subsided I began to see patterns of negativity in me and others. I began to see how I really affected my environment with my outlook on things. I don't think that being angry about an issue or a person is negative (unless it becomes chronic.) I like my anger. My anger is like a fire that makes me feel alive. I believe that anger can be an excellent thing as long as it's directed outwardly. But I do believe that negativism and optimism are choices, and that those choices have a profound impact on how we feel. Lately I have even really started to believe that whatever I focused on is what I end up getting in my life. That's a bit freaky, and I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it because I'm not a hocus pocus kind of girl, but I have come to believe in the power of intentions.
These days I I actively work on focusing on positive and optimistic outcomes for fear of negative shit coming into my life. I invented optimition: it's a clever mix of optimism and superstition.
So what I'm trying to say is: Depression is not a choice, but negativity is. As long at we look at things in a negative way, that's what the universe will serve us on a poopy platter. I don't want to feel depression ever again. Any time i even remotely feel down, I go raging optimistic. At first I think I'm just being a nut and who am i kidding.. and soon enough I start to believe and trust.
That's what being an optimist by choice means to me.. If i'm making any sense.
