irresolute about resolutions

I don't take new years resolutions lightly.  If I'm going to give up on something after just a week of trying and then spend the rest of the year hating myself for it, at least I should put a lot of thought into it, don't you think? ... Although last year I did come through for myself in a BIG way doing the very thing that scared me the most.

This year will be the year of setting the bar super low. I'm just going to add one small habit at a time and devote a month to each habit before adding a new habit.  I didn't cook this technique up, I found it here. I tell you this because I also read somewhere that when you make a resolution very public you automatically feel more accountable for it. So now I have to do it, right? 

My first habit is to get younger by one day each day... before you know it, in 365 days I will be a full year younger! genius.

But really. I like small steps towards big goals. That's how I got most of the meaningful things in my life done.  Nothing happened in big vavoom moments. That's how I became a writer over the course of ten years: one paragraph at a time, trudging away, writing terrible prose, then rewriting and rewriting. And see how I casually labeled myself 'a Writer'?  The first time I said the 'w' word, I passed out. The next time I said it I my face twisted into a terrible rictus and all my muscles tetanized, then I said it again the next day until one day it didn't sound (so) creepy and self-aggrandizing.

I'm a huge believer that you can manifest things by affirming them.  Nothing magic there. It's a matter of reprogramming the brain. Changing my negative self talk (and it sounded so artificial and contrived at first) is how I went from being a pessimist to becoming an optimist, how I slowly progressed from lousy self worth to a pretty healthy idea of who I am and what I can accomplish.

**eek...patting myself on the back to uncomfortable levels** But I learned to do that too.

So many ideas about ourselves were born from repeating them from childhood (or hear our well meaning family repeat them. Mine were: Corine is inept in the kitchen. Corine is a chatter box. Corine is bad in Math. Corine really sucks) This can become the identity we cling on out of habit or because we can't imagine something different. So if it worked in one direction, why not do the same thing in reverse? Rebuild who we are meant to be, or what we want to become,one habit and one affirmation at a time.

First I had to cut through dense denial to identify teeny tiny bad habits I want to change. I could not find any, so I looked broader and came up with gluttony and sloth. Pretty crippling habits, especially when combined. 

So rather than say that I will become super fit, this month, towards fitness, I'm adding the habit of eating an apple a day and drinking herbal tea. Oh I hear your laughs...but that's a giant step away from my mostly protein, caffeine and carbs diet. 

Forget lofty pulizer prize dreams. Towards more focused writing I only need to take away one habit:  the amount of time I spend online.

That's right girlies, I buried the lead.  I'm taking time off twitter, FB and blogging.  My need to write is really a craving for connectedness and self expression. Each time i tweet or chat on facebook, or comment or get lost in your beautiful images and words, the hot coal of creativity and self expression gets a little cooler, and the burn to write is not as strong.

I realized this over the winter break.  My kids were complete zombies (okay, so was I) and wanted to do nothing other than be fed a daily dose of passive entertainment.  My type A husband being out of town, none of us had the cracking whip we've come to rely on to get anything done. I wanted my kids  to be creative and active, but they didn't have the urge and I was super lazy about being a good mother (aforementioned sloth).  My kids absorbed other's creativity by watching films, Tv and playing video games, going on FB and youtube.. and were satiated. I could see it so clearly when it was happening to them!

So cutting my daily writing on social media will be like tantric writing.  I'll hold in the self expression and creativity so that they can be , let say, funneled and then released in a bigger, more powerful and satisfying way... rather than... diluted...ewww... i don't know about this analogy.

I'm not sure what I will allow or not allow.  Too much and I will not be able to stick to it. Too little and I will only be lying to myself. But working alone is... well, lonely. So I might be back sooner than I meant.  We'll see.

Happy new year's resolutions to all of you!  Would you tell me what they are?

 

Comments

[Feng Shui By Fishgirl]

corine while you take time to write your books you can always schedule some reposted golden oldies from early days of your blog...for new readers who haven't the time to go back into your archives. looking forward to seeing the new book(s)!

[mlle paradis]

this is a good resolution and makes a lot of sense to me! bonne annee!

[Chaumierelesiris]

Good luck with the social media withdrawal. This sounds like a really hard resolution!

[Veronique]

I like your resolution. It is a very healthy one. I spend too much time too on the web ... But this year I have only decided to take no resolutions at all. I guess it is because I am going to be on the move again.