Productivity-obsessive-compulsive

There is such a thing as POC, or Productivity Obsession Compulsion.  The only reason I can make such anoutlandish claim and practically add a new chapter to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder or DSM is because I got it (the affliction, not the manual). 

I do not measure how valuable my day was by how loving I was to my family, how helpful I was to my friends or how generous I was to this cause or that one.  Not even by how many books I sold. No, I measure the value of my day on how much I got done. 

Here is how it gets tricky: Nothing has to be done well. It only has to be done fast and in large quantity. If I've shoved giant piles of leaves from one side of the yard to the other, written 7 pages-albeit crappy ones-, tweeted to the wind, coaxed my kid into finishing that lame project, driven him all over town looking for a video game I disapprove of, cooked a flop of a three course meal (They don't like octopus with creamy polenta after all), then only can look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day. I have been productive! 

Today I got little done ( my husband showed me how to use his camera and we took a walk, ate leftovers for lunch and I wasted time on the computer the rest of the day) and I feel antsy and guilty.  I feel as though I wasted my precious day.  I was a bad girl. Hence this blog post which is really an attempt at cramming some productivity into my day and assuage the guilt.

Pathetic.

I often think of my fantasy life, the simpler life that I dream of. But if I were to be placed in a small village in France and have everything confiscated from me, all my toys and distractions, all those things I click with, look at, and make stuff with, how long before I get island fever?  1 day?  Five minutes?   Would I be able to look up at the sky, count clouds and smell the boursin? If I don't start learning to be happy with a slow life, slow food, slow thinking, slow travel now, it isn't going to happen on its own.

When it comes to being green it's not enough to Reduce, Re-use and Recycle. But it's not enough.  First you have to Refuse. Same thing with being sane. You have to learn to say no to a whole lot of things before you can slow down your life. You have to learn to stop the wheel from spinning.  It's an addiction.    

I'm trying to wrap my mind around this.

Comments

[Tim]

I have much to reply to this post, but part would just embarrass me. Since I do those often, I may pass for now. However, good post. :)

[k_sam]

My company is really into the strengths finder (a work philosophy that is meant to orientate people into the roles which best suits their top five inherit strengths). My Number 1 strength is Achiever - I'm including the description below - it's kind of long, but I thought maybe you would identify with it too. :)

"Your Achiever theme helps explain your drive. Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself. And by "every day" you mean every single day -- workdays, weekends, vacations. No matter how much you may feel you deserve a day of rest, if the day passes without some form of achievement, no matter how small, you will feel dissatisfied. You have an internal fire burning inside you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon it rekindles itself, forcing you toward the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But it will always be with you. As an Achiever you must learn to live with this whisper of discontent. It does have its benefits. It brings you the energy you need to work long hours without burning out. It is the jolt you can always count on to get you started on new tasks, new challenges. It is the power supply that causes you to set the pace and define the levels of productivity for your work group. It is the theme that keeps you moving."

One of the suggestions for dealing the the "whisper of discontent" is remembering to count what you have achieved in your personal life as well, for example the time you spent with your husband, learning a new skill (his camera) or the walk being good for your health/stress. Thinking like that has helped me really keep the "you've done nothing today" feelings at bay.

PS. Sorry if this just sounds like pyschobabble - I just saw a lot of myself in what you wrote and thought you might identify with this!!

[Cindy]

Yes, I do spend six months of the year in that small village in France. What have I learned to do? Enjoy the people around me and life around me. It is priceless and much more fun than accomplishing "the list".

[mlle paradis]

i'm married to someone like this. it's funny, taking him to france for "enforced rest" IS the only way to slow him down. other than that, good luck to all of us! they say that yoga helps but i wouldn't be the first one you've ever heard that from.

[Isabelle]

Great post Corine, I totally get you. But you lost me at "smelling the Boursin". Ewwww.

[mlle paradis]

here you go: found at gretchen's "sttyl" blog:

Souls fitted for love demand a life of action which must burst out in new events. As the inside is in movement, so also should be the outside. This way of living is a marvellous road to passion.

Les passions de l'amour/The Passion of Love

Blaise Pascal

[Veronique]

Good post Corine. I find myself in it. My day is a good one or a bad one according to the numbers of check in my to do list!
But I try to improve myself and look at my days in a positive way even if I have not accomplished some tasks.
Thanks for putting wors on this.

[Veronique]

Of course, I meant "words"! Sorry.

[nadia]

oh corine you said a lot of what i have been feeling. i always feel as if i should be doing more, than somehow i am wasting valuable time. i wonder at times if i am trying to find myself in pages of someone elses life.

[Angie Muresan]

I'll try to wrap my mind around that one too, because refuse is so difficult for me.

[Helen]

Yes, yes and yes!