I'm not clear on the source, but this was sent to my (Jewish) husband by his (jewish) lawyer today.
"In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)"
I love this so much that I want to send it to everyone I know.
Posted by: Angie Muresan | July 15, 2010 at 10:10 PM
What a blast from the past, Corine. I haven't heard (or thought about) Dr. Laura since I used her show to keep me in fighting form in a newsroom. Seriously, she made me so mad that my bp would go up (I have low bp) when I couldn't drink anymore caffeine. Like Angie, I can't wait to send this 'round. Oh, I can't believe I'm up at this hour (1.23am).
PS: Yes, it would be awful if we couldn't own a Canadian. I was seriously thinking of doing so. Now watch & see all the crazies who will think we mean this seriously.
xx
Posted by: Susan | July 15, 2010 at 10:17 PM
so funny! reminds me of most of my catholic education where the nuns and other teachers were always telling us not to take things in the bible literally. makes me really grateful for my sensible teachers :)
Posted by: josephine | July 15, 2010 at 11:58 PM
Hilarious! I love it!
x
Posted by: Emma Angel | July 16, 2010 at 03:14 AM
This has honestly cheered me up no end .......oh if we could all end the hypocrasy :) thank you so much
Posted by: kae carlyle | July 16, 2010 at 03:31 AM
Thanks for such a hearty morning belly laugh.
Posted by: Mardel | July 16, 2010 at 05:13 AM
so there dr. laura! you crazed craven radio nightmare!
Posted by: mlle paradis | July 16, 2010 at 08:16 AM
One word--HILARIOUS!
Posted by: Ursula | July 21, 2010 at 11:43 AM
What a great piece of ammo against those ghastly people who come to my door from time to time! Thank you, I am going to print it and keep a copy handy for the next lot.
Posted by: Françoise | July 22, 2010 at 07:13 PM
It's been a while since I laughed out loud over a blog post.
Hilarious. Well done.
Posted by: Leah | July 24, 2010 at 05:51 AM
Oh, that's fabulous. :-) Cracked me up! :-)
Posted by: Krista | July 30, 2010 at 08:36 AM
I love it!! :)
Posted by: Charlotte | August 04, 2010 at 03:09 AM
I loved this! I needed a good laugh today. I actually know a nun who would get a kick out of this.
P.S. I wouldn't mind having Nathan Fillion as my Canadian slave :-)
Posted by: Julie | August 30, 2010 at 05:16 PM