Depressing post. Please do not read.

Gosh I don't even know where to start today.  Start?  What start?  The cat bounced on my face at six am this morning. I've already exercised for an hour like a good little soldier, I've cleaned up the house, worked on my novel for an hour, worked on my screenplay project for another hour.  It's 12:30, when do I start? What does start mean?  I better decide when the start is, because then there might be a chance for me to find an end.

But that's not the depressing part.

That last project I mentioned is one that has no clear beginning and no clear end.    It is so, so, so very hard on me.  I'm doing research on the Holocaust for a screenplay my husband and I are working on, the adaptation of a true story, and in the process of doing research I'm encountering images that are so vile I literary have to walk around the room and physically shake myself off it, like a dog who has fallen in a pond. Human beings doing this to other human beings, to children it's just, just... monstrous.  And I try to trick myself into thinking that it's over, that it's the past.  But it is not, it still exists, right now, to different people, elsewhere, for other reasons but it's the same shit.  

No, there are no other reasons! What am I saying?  Evil needs no reasons, only pretexts.  

This story has to be written because it has to be told and it has to be heard.  But when will it end?  If it becomes a movie?  Chances of that are slim, I'm not delusional.  Chances of Spielberg paying attention, I mean come! on!  And the story of the Holocaust isn't new enough.  It's eternal, but let's face it, it's rehashed.  Boring.  Even if some survive there are no surprises as to how the story ends.  It's like The Alamo.  I couldn't believe people would see a movie with such a fateful title that you'd have to be a fool to get attached to the characters.  But still, my husband and I must do this.  If anything is clear to me is that this beautiful, sad, unbelievable story has fallen on our lap and it is my duty, my destiny, my privilege to tell it.  And I better do it justice.

BUT ENOUGH of this.  This is my break from this.  This is my shallow blogging moment.  Please let me collect images, pretty images, sweet and sugary things.  Let me read your comments again from my last post.  Let me read your posts. Let me gather myself by letting my heart fill with your goodness.

  Oops, 12:48.  Time's up.

Comments

[melanie]

Wow. That's heavy, hard work. I don't think I need to tell you that bearing witness to such monstrosities will only bring you close to the human condition. I wish you the best in this.

[muralimanohar]

Thank you for doing it. As time goes on, people ARE forgetting, and even claiming it didn't even happen. We can't let it get to that. But I don't envy you your job. :(

[karina]

Corine, I hope I would help you, visit you and chat about funny frivolous silly things,please take care of yourself!!!
Big hug!!!!!

[nadia]

I could not bare it. wow corine, please try to find some balance corine it is important...i don't think it is supposed to be easy to go through such things. the work is very important. but please take more mini breaks okay!

[virginia]

i posted this a few days ago, for veteran's day:

"So, let us be alert---alert in a twofold sense:

Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of.

And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake."

Viktor E. Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning

[karey m.]

ugh. years ago, i was given the contract to compile the dallas holocaust museum's...memories...into a book. memories doesn't sound right, does it? anyway, it was painful.
and now i'm here, and i am equally horrified by the abuse on the palestinians.
this world of ours...what the heck is going on with us all, you know?
anyway...i feel like i know how you're feeling. and i think you're brave to write about it all...xoxo.

[Nikella]

Oh...what a project to take on. Without knowing you, I am proud of you! I couldn't even watch the documentaries we were shown in highschool and I skipped the school trip to Auschwitz. I don't understand where all this hate can come from. Anyhow, I think that is where my love for happy, pretty things comes from and why my kids grow up in a "bubble" (husband's words). I feel the desperate need to build a friendly home in a sometimes incredibly hateful world.
If you need any German translation/information added material I can get for you, let me know.

[Patricia]

It's so hard going to dark places like that, but I hope you find the balance of light and shadows. It sounds like that story so needs to be told.

Not to bring you even farther into the shadows, but I heard with great sadness on yesterday's Democracy Now program that Obama is relying on two folks in deep with the lies leading to the Iraq war and with the torture of U.S. prisoners of war for his security transition team. I SO hope he is just using them for the info and won't continue Bush's policies. It's worrying.